Kei - Nozomi Cover Art - Episodes 6 - 9

Kei – Nozomi Cover Art – Episodes 6 – 9

I have to start another running tally this episode: planets accidentally destroyed[1] by the Lovely Angels. Welcome to Dirty Pair episode 9 Hire Us! Beautiful Bodyguards are a Better Deal!

Hire Us is set on the planet Plastone where the somewhat volatile[2] fuel newstone is being mined. Or would be were it not for two competing syndicates who are fighting over the spoils. To address this the 3WA send in the Lovely Angels to sort out the mess[3].

In order to conceal their entry into the syndicates the Lovely Angels stage a crash landing of the Lovely Angel, and then sneak into town. The sequence that earned this episode the fan nickname of the “Yakisoba Western” is highly amusing. Even funnier is the corny story Kei and Yuri dreamed up in order to get separately hired by both syndicates.

It would appear that the plan is to sabotage both syndicates from within.

It would help if the Lovely Angels were better at subterfuge and making sure they’re not being spied on whilst talking to each other on the radio. 🙂

One of the looming problems is that the syndicate that hired Yuri is importing a beam weapon that could inadvertently destroy the planet. The other syndicate objects and attempts to steal it when it lands.

This gives rise to a good amount of mayhem and a sort of successful result. For values of “Successful” equal to both of the syndicates each having half of the weapon, being willing to talk to each other, and knowing that they’re dealing with the Dirty Pair.

This results in the Lovely Angels being set up to fight each other in front of both syndicates at the newstone mine. Fortunately Yuri wasn’t entirely oblivious to the possibility and arranges for Mughi and Nanmo to show up… soon.

The confrontation itself is staged in line with the Yakisoba Western theme: the two heroines marching towards each other under the burning sun, the syndicates watching and wondering if they really will fight.

All that’s missing is the soundtrack from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, but I suppose Sunrise weren’t quite brazen enough to use that[4].

The effect is somewhat subverted by Kei and Yuri chatting over their earring radios as they approach. It is completely subverted when, in order to buy time for the Lovely Angel to show up, the fight devolves into a slapping, hair pulling, brawl. 🙂

Then the Lovely Angel does show up, and points a rather large beam weapon in the general direction of the syndicates and/or the mine. This rather calms the syndicates down, technically solving the case, as Kei and Yuri board the Lovely Angel.

Alas, as Kei jumps into her seat, her hand crashes down on Nanmo. In response to being jolted this way poor Nanmo accidentally triggers the beam weapon, and it hits the mine.. This triggers the chain reaction leading to the destruction of the planet as the Lovely Angel flies away.

Oops. Evidently “It’s not our fault” includes “It was an accident, honest.”

It’s taken 9 episodes for the Dirty Pair to kill a planet on screen, but to be honest it’s the Yakisoba Western parts of Hire Us that really make the episode work. Yuri’s poncho, those hats, the American west outfits generally, leading to that Mexican stand-off are what gives Hire Us its charm.

Because they were wearing them whilst crashing the Lovely Angel the battle bikini percentage rises to 55%. The planets destroyed tally stands at one.

Speaking of the planets destroyed tally, there is that one question to be resolved:

Next Up: What? We’re Heinous Kidnappers!

[1] The question is should I limit it to onscreen destruction, or include the Noodle Incident mentioned in How to Kill a Computer?

[2] Obligatory Neverwhere reference: Saying that newstone is somewhat volatile is like saying that Jupiter is bigger than a duck. It’s true as far as it goes, but it could go further.

[3] That entire paragraph is more or less As You Know Bobbed onto the viewer by Gooley and one his sidekicks back in the office.

[4] Even if they had been that brazen, it would have been cut from the Nozomi release anyway.cf. Girls Und Panzer and that insert song in episode 8.